ow ow ow

I have realized that I suffer much more recalling my own behavior than in considering someone else’s actions towards me. Regardless of whatever rotten things were done by the other entity, my actions are the ones that count in my grand ledger of suffering.

The pattern I see in my experience is that if someone else’s actions have brought some suffering, but my behavior was in accordance with my principals, the hurt is a sharp, clear thing. The times when I behave in a distant emulation of my better self, the ensuing suffering will grind on me like unrelentingly coarse sandpaper.

After realizing this, I have to also admit the extent to which I created my current suffering by previous actions. Regardless of another person’s behavior – which is not under my control – I can control my own behavior before the bad things happen. I have to ask myself, “Am I lowering myself or my standards for some “reason””? “Reasons” for behaving badly might sound good on paper, but they will provide absolutely no comfort when the crash comes. Everyone has different core values and principles… violate them and be sorry (literally), whether in business or in your personal life. No matter what another person or entity does to us, we each have a responsibility to do whatever our right thing to do is, towards ourselves and towards others. It’s so easy to think there’s been a suspension of the rule when someone else behaves badly towards us. Too bad it doesn’t work that way.Image

That’s not to say that acting in accordance with your principles won’t ever hurt. The difference is in the type and duration of the pain. You can take the hit up front and get it done, or put it off and end up with multiplied and multilayered grieving.

What I want most out of this revelation is to remember. The past cannot be unwritten.


[tech] patching

My current work obsession is server patching. It had been a neglected part of my division’s infrastructure planning until Security’s heavy hand passed judgment on us. Never expecting what I was ahead, I raised my hand and volunteered to make it happen.

The scarcity of info on patching on the internet and at Safari online (as well as my within my own personal bookshelves) was surprising. How could such an important subject be so underrepresented? According to a 2011 report from IBM, 36% of software vulnerabilities remained unpatched. Considering the number of publicly embarrassing exploits that have been made possible only due to known, but unaddressed, vulnerabilities, I find the subject worthy of attention (meaning more blog posts to come).




Somewhat sanitized, broken links removed, I’m bringing this blog back.


Mostly because I was challenged to do so today by Reinaldo, which is why I’m getting this post in before midnight, before “today” becomes “tomorrow”. Somehow, I hadn’t found the time to update this since 2006. REALLY?? Time can be a friend, an enemy, a traitor… time is so strange.

Besides the impetus of the challenge, I had an old friend tell me this past week that I talk to myself too much. HAR HAR HAR! Writing a blog can be a lot like talking to yourself, which is probably why so many of my blog roll links were invalid.  It was comforting to learn that WordPress hadn’t deleted my account after so much time. So many things and people from my past are gone, that I don’t mind at all have the random Old Thing around. :p

I’ll leave the blog description as a journey to the free state, although the original meaning has mutated. I’m no longer set on moving to New Hampshire, but I am still pursuing a free state of mind. The theme needs freshening up, the blog roll may be retired completely, but for today, I am done.


We are fast approaching the stage of the ultimate inversion: the stage where the government is free to do anything it pleases, while the citizens may act only by permission; which is the stage of the darkest periods of human history, the stage of rule by brute force.

Ayn Rand


“…we became accustomed to being measured by nature itself–an unwaveringly fair and consistent, albeit unforgiving, judge. Today, in contrast, we are often judged by humans–with all the vagaries, special agendas, and inconsistencies that entails.”

Norman Augustine,
What We Don’t Know Does Hurt Us. How Scientific Illiteracy Hobbles Society

Augustine was discussing scientists and engineers, but the “we” applies as it usually does. You can substitute “computers”, or “economic principles”, or any of a number of other things for “nature” in the previous quote. We are always judging and being judged, and it happens so quickly that there isn’t time to consult a book or research the situation as it happens.